The Insanity Continues

I'm not sure how this happened, but I seem to have another friend, also called Rachel, who is codependent (okay, I was a bit codependent with Rachel One, myself).

There are times when I just can't mentally/emotionally deal with my neighbor and her neediness. When this happens, I don't respond to her texts/phone calls. I know she doesn't know when I do this, how could she when I'm in my apartment and she's in hers? But after I've ignored a call and/or text, I'll get a text asking if I'm 'mad' at her (I put mad in quotes because I can't stand when people say mad when they mean upset or angry).

I get that this woman doesn't have a lot of people to lean on (and I think I know why), but I can't be at her beck and call.

She wants me to come home from my parents' this weekend and then take her to get a money order and to the post office to mail it. Um, no. I'm tired when I get home from spending all day at my parents' house. And driving her around to do her errands is putting too much wear and tear on my car.

I'm doing this here because she has a TikTok but I don't know if she's found mine or not. I guess I could always block her, but that hasn't worked with my daughter. Someone she knows keeps finding my videos where I talk about how I'm feeling and sending them to her which is causing strive and putting her under stress she doesn't need this close to her wedding.

Posting this here because I'm afraid that someone from work might find my other social media.
( Feel free to skip )

As I stated recently I haven't written much over the past year. Well, my muses came back and had a major party. I have stuffed two stockings for fandom_stocking so far and both stories were written in just a few hours (one on Sunday while doing laundry at my mother's and the other yesterday). I can count on one hand (with two fingers left over) the number of times I've written a story that quickly. It feels really good to be writing again.

Now, however, my muses are not helping me with the third stocking I want to stuff. I haven't written John/Rodney in a while and I'm thinking that's the problem (I seem to be on a Rodney/Ronon kick).

So, I'm asking (begging actually) for you, my faithful friends, to give me some prompts. I really want to get this last person something but I am fresh out of ideas.

I've been extremely lazy about sitting down and writing this post (I started it on 10/26). And because I put it off so long I have some ranting to do along with the squee I was originally going to post about. So I'll start with the rants and end with the squee. Everything is under a cut so you can pick and choose what you want to read.
( Fucking anxiety )
( Fucking coworkers )
( Fucking brat )
( Halloween! )
( Squee! )

Last week was just a hellish as the one before.

( Under a cut for those who don't care )

When I got up this morning and turned on the light in the living room the bulb blew. This wouldn't be an issue except I cannot find my light bulbs. I know I have a box of bulbs somewhere but I cannot find them! And the lamp is the only light behind where I sit so I am typing this in mostly darkness because the light from the 'dinning area' is not only in the wrong place, it is not bright enough.

Today has been the day from hell.

First I woke up and looked at my bedside clock and saw that it said it was 4:17. I freaked because that meant my sleep tracker alarm didn't go off. But when I looked at my phone, it said it was only 3:17. So since the bedside clock is the one I can manually change, it somehow got changed forward an hour.

When I went to change it to the correct time, I discovered that it had the wrong date (apparently it doesn't take leap year into account). This means that the daylight savings function got confused and thought it was time for daylight savings which happens this weekend.

Because of this mix up I was unable to fall fully back to sleep which left me so tired I forgot to wash my hair in the shower this morning. And then I forgot to eat breakfast and fell asleep on the couch.

Then at work (this is actually left over from last night but it's complicated and I don't want to go into it last night) my supervisor began treating me like I'm stupid.

She wrote the note pictured below while saying it out loud and then scolded me for not looking at it when she handed it to me, and insisted I look at it and stood at my desk until I did.

My mother is emotionally abusing me, yet again.

I haven't paid the car payment since October because of being unemployed the whole month of November and then all the bills and things I had to pay in December. I had told my mother that I would start paying them again in January. She obviously thought I'd ignore a call from her because we had the following text conversation:

Her: I'm at the church with Laci for game night. May I come by and she can get out for me
Me: What? (because can she be any more cryptic?)
Her: Sorry for the car payment
Me: I mailed it yesterday. (I had decided to mail them everything I owe them because I never know when I'll see them again) You should have gotten it today. (mail within the same town usually only takes one day)
Her: Oh for goodness sake. This is not good
Me: What? (I'm panicking thinking she's going to say it wasn't in the mail today and that it might have gotten lost)
Her: That you want even come see me
Me: That's not why I mailed it. (I mean it is, but she doesn't need to know that (and yes I know this is the conditioning of her emotional abuse))
Her: I am so glad to hear that (just wait until you passive-aggressively try to change me or get me to do what you want)

So, update in this post, sorta.

Today I stopped for gas on my way home and when I got home, I checked my account. And saw $11.57 at QT for my gas along with $10 at Race Track. I don't use Race Track often and definitely didn't use it today.

I called the bank and they said that the charge was done at 6:36 this morning.

When I was at work.

And they swiped a card.

Which makes no sense because I have the card in my possession.

Turns out someone got my card number and created a duplicate card.

This means that an employee at one of the places I've used it recently (since it's new I know approximately when it happened, just not where). So I will now be using cash for all the things I can pay for with cash; like my cable bill, my phone bill and putting gas in my car.

I was determined to not come back online but I need to talk about the shit that's been happening in my life and the people around me are tired of hearing about it.

If you read the post I made about the issues I've had with my apartment then you'll have heard some of this already.

This all started back in 2013 when I went for my housing voucher renewal and was told that the housing authority no longer covers two bedroom apartments for two people (there are exceptions such as a parent and child of opposite sexes where the child is over a certain age) and so I would have to pay my portion plus the extra. I struggled to pay it, even after my raise. So I began looking for a one bedroom. Of course I had been wanting to move for a while anyway.

My voucher is from March to February every year and so I didn't get serious about moving until December 2014.

I found what I felt was the perfect apartment but fucked around and didn't go put in an application until near the end of January. By then they had decided that due to the renovations they were doing that they weren't going to accept any new vouchers until April or May.

I had been using an apartment locator site and contacted the agent working with me asking that he give me any apartments in my county that take housing and have an available one bedroom for the first of March. I stressed that I needed the information right away.

Because I had to give thirty days' notice, and with February only having twenty-eight days, I had to give my notice January 30th. He didn't get back to me until after February 1st. I had to make a decision before that so took an apartment that I didn't feel sure about (I wasn't allowed to view one prior to signing my lease).

The apartment has turned out to be horrible. My neighbors smoke (for a while I thought I was mistaken about that but the smell has gotten worse again and now my throat hurts from the exposure to the smoke) and the floor slants horribly. I could get used to the slanting floor but not the cigarette smoke (still recovering from pneumonia (more on that in a bit)). And just yesterday I discovered yet another reason to hate this place.

No cable company (except for Time Warner) services the complex. I had to get DIRECTV and Verizon 'high speed' internet. I use the quote marks because the speed is barely one step above dial-up (it is in fact dial-up but it's a bit faster than normal dial-up). I don't mind the satellite TV but no one told me that I had to have extra equipment to access any OnDemand programing; only that I needed the internet for it. I went online last night to order the needed equipment and was told that 'due to [my] payment history [they] had to add an extra fee'. On top of that it's a self-install kit but they want a professional to come out to install it. AND they want to charge me $198 for it ($99 for the equipment, $40 for what I'm guessing is the fee they had to add and $59 for the professional install).

Luckily I have Amazon Fire Stick (was planning on not getting cable at all but changed my mind) and can watch most of my shows that I missed over the past two weeks on Hulu or Netflix. But with how slow my connection is the playback freezes at times and the sound will continue without the picture causing me to have to back out and try again. It took me five hours last night to watch two SPN and one Grimm episode. I'm hoping it's not always that difficult.

And work. Don't get me started. Although that's what this is all about so.

Back in December 2014 my supervisor, E, announced she was leaving. Her husband decided that she was under too much stress and told her she could quit without having another job. So she did. The Friday before Christmas was her last day.

The new cash manager didn't start until sometime in January and he is from outside the company so he doesn't know how to do my job. How am I supposed to get assistance from someone who doesn't know how to do my job? It makes no sense.

As soon as he started here he started changing the way things are done. Some are for the better, some not.

After working major overtime from Thanksgiving through most of January I was mostly caught up. But somehow ended getting behind again in February. This was compounded by me getting sick in the middle of the month.

I thought it was just a cold and treated it as such. After a week I was almost back to one hundred percent. But then I woke up the morning of February 21 feeling like I'd been hit by a truck complete with fever chills. I bought more cold stuff and settled down to spend the weekend feeling like crap. The next day I threw up despite having nothing but water in my stomach. I decided that it must be something more serious than a cold so I went to the urgent care place.

Turns out they don't take my insurance. Luckily I still had most of my income tax otherwise I wouldn't have been able to go to the doctor.

I was at the clinic for over two hours. I feel asleep every time I was left alone in the room to wait. I'm not sure why the doctor decided to take x-rays but she did as well as a CBC and discovered that I had pneumonia. She gave me several prescriptions and told me to come back the next day.

I already had the day off because I was supposed to move but when I got up that morning I saw that it had snowed/iced overnight. I called the movers and rescheduled for the next day.

When I went for my recheck (the roads were mostly clear by noon) he told me more than the doctor the day before. For one thing the pneumonia was only on my right side (explaining why she didn't admit me to the hospital) and my heart rate had been 120 (normal is much less than that). He said I was recovering fine and to keep taking the scripts, plus refilled my cough syrup (I went through two bottles in just over three days). I should have asked how long he wanted me off work but I didn't.

Tuesday my mother came over to direct the movers and pack a bit more. They had me out of my apartment and into my mother's in about four and a half hours. That took a huge chunk of the remainder of my income tax.

I all but collapsed after they left because I was going to try to go back to work the next day.

While at work I fell asleep at my desk (something I do nearly every day ever since and I'm afraid it's gonna get me fired) so I asked to go home; where I slept the afternoon away.

The next morning I got up and was watching TV when I fell asleep in the chair. And slept until time to get ready to go to work. I decided that was my body telling me I wasn't ready to go back to work. I didn't go to work that Friday either because I didn't see the point at that stage.

I was staying with my parents because my new apartment wasn't going to be ready for me to move in until March 13th. I kept expecting to get a call telling me that it had been inspected but I never got one. I figured that was because of the weather (we had several days of ice). When I called March 9th I was told that the inspector wouldn't be able to inspect until Friday. I began begging that they do so (I really needed my own space despite my mother basically leaving me alone). They didn't inspect it until the following Tuesday.

That Wednesday, March 18th, I was finally able to get in to see it.

I was appalled at first by the stench of cigarettes (the leasing agent that tagged along said it was fresh paint), then by how small it is. I didn't even notice the slating floor until later.

This apartment is not a peaceful place for me so my anxiety levels are still high and that is not good.

I emailed my case worker to tell her about the issues with the apartment (minus the issues with cable/internet because I didn't know about them yet) but then it appeared that my neighbors were not smokers (the smell wasn't as strong as it had been). I told her that I think I can live with it but now I'm not so sure.

For the past several days the cigarette smell has been as strong as if a smoker was sitting in the room with me smoking a cigarette (I've had several people ask when I started smoking again) and my throat is scratchy. Seeing as how I'm still recovering from pneumonia I think I need to move.

But before I do that, I've asked that the air filter be changed. If that makes a difference then I will just grit my teeth and make do with this crappy apartment. But next April is a hell of a long way away.

Update: They changed the filter today and the smell is better, absolutely none when I first arrived home. But as I've sat here this evening it has begun to smell again and I can almost taste it again. We'll see how it is in the morning.