September 2013
Sep. 11th, 2014 05:12 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
logans_girl2001Did you miss me? Yeah, didn’t think so. But in case you want to know what the past year’s been like for me it’s behind the cut. Since it is a lot I’ll be posting in monthly batches.
9/5/13
After what happened at work Tuesday I decided to buy the Pacific Rim soundtrack yesterday in an effort to cheer myself up.
I've been listening to it on repeat all day and feel like I could battle a Kajiu. In fact, the song Pacific Rim gives me visions of a woman training for a fight. I think the woman is me. I'm taking this as my inspiration to get myself in shape.
While I'm offline I'm going to take the time to start exercising. It won't be everyday but it will be two or three days a week.
9/7/13
For some reason I've been ridiculous happy since yesterday. I don't think I've ever been this happy. And I have no idea why I am. My pay sucks and I'm living paycheck to paycheck and I can't afford enough food for two weeks. And yet, I'm still happy.
I decided to go see Pacific Rim again but when I got up this morning I was stuffy headed and felt like I'd been hit by a Mac truck.
Then around 11 am I decided to go anyway.
The last time I went to see a movie more than once in the theatre was back in 1984. My mother and I had gone to Naperville for two weeks to visit friends and it rained almost the entire time we were there so there wasn't anything else to do. Well, nothing other than go into Chicago but we only wanted to do that once.
I remember there were only two movies showing that we wanted to see: Temple of Doom and Gremlins. By the time the two weeks were over, we just about had the movies memorized.
To motivate me I pulled a black satin skirt I bought back when I worked at The Avenue, even though it's a size fourteen (but it was less than $2, how could I pass that up?), out of the closet and hung it on my bathroom door so I can see it in the mirror. I would love to wear it at my daughter's graduation just to rub it in her father's face that he's still married to a fat ass and now I'm this hot mama but I don't think that'll happen. So I'll just settle for being much smaller than I am now.
I'm sitting here watching TV and a commercial for IKEA came on. I suddenly have the urge to do a DIY project but I'm not crafty enough. Plus I live in an apartment. Although… my coffee table's legs are loose. Maybe I'll go buy some washers and a wrench and fix that.
9/8/13
I had planned on dusting the living room, vacuuming the house, cleaning the bathroom and, of course, doing laundry (this is a MUST do every week) but I slept until 10 am and just wasn’t feeling it.
I did, however, do a load of dishes, vacuumed in front of the couch where I sit, folded and put away the last load of laundry and cleaned the toilet. Despite not finishing my list, I feel accomplished.
The waist cincher I bought arrived this weekend. And - surprise, surprise - it doesn't fit. Now I have to figure out how to return it and figure out something else to do for my costume. I think I might try and find a Captain America decal to put on a white tee shirt and just wear my jeans and white flats while carrying the toy shield.
OR I could buy a tiara and wear the bridesmaid's dress I have and go as a beauty queen. I have time to figure that out, though.
9/9/13
So my good mood was dashed all to hell today. I am seriously behind at work and JW had asked if I could do AR for at least part of the day Wednesday but JS said no. Actually she said what amounts to hell to the fucking no. Bitch!
I spent all day in a low level state of anxiety making it difficult to work at the pace I needed to.
I then had the idea that I could work late tonight and tomorrow and then just take off early Friday but JW said she didn't think that would be acceptable. I hadn't been given an answer by the time I had to leave so I just left, don't want to get in trouble for working over without permission. I'm hoping tomorrow I'll be allowed to stay.
I now have seventy-one stores that I do and I don't want anyone else to have to do my work.
9/11/13
Yesterday was a bad day. I got scolded by JW for things that were beyond my control, stores not sending in deposit slips and the computer running slow, and was basically told I suck.
I actually asked to have the Texas stores back and was told no in a tone of voice that meant 'oh, hell to the fuck no'.
Then today, JS asked me to see her in the conference room. I just know that means I'm getting my ass fired for that incident last week. When I enter the room she tells me she's giving me a verbal. I'm extremely grateful that I'm not being fired.
Until she starts talking.
She says I slammed the phone down. I knew I was on speaker and so made extra sure that I set it down gently but on speaker phone everything sounds louder.
After she said what she had to she gave me the paper to read and sign. I actually read it, I usually just skim them, and then I actually wrote my rebuttal in the comment section. JS said that not only did I slam the phone down but I huffed and puffed at her. I did no such thing.
She then told me that starting next week I'm back to just AR; now I know why JW said no to me going back to just the Texas stores.
JW is still upset with me for not being further along with my RCOs and when I told her that I would be finishing them on Monday she said that no, it'll be tomorrow.
So, I lost my position in a way, JS said I'll be keeping the title, but really does that matter when I've had more than half my work taken away?
9/12/13
After the stresses of yesterday I went to bed last night thinking I should call off today but decided I really shouldn't. Then this morning just before I needed to get up and start getting ready I could feel a panic attack starting so I texted JW and told her I couldn't come in. I then went to bed and slept most of the day. I have to go to work tomorrow regardless of how I feel which sucks because I'm still on the edge and am sitting here crying for no reason.
9/13/13
I went to work today with my anxiety levels still rather high and had JW make it worse.
Back in November I took the week of Thanksgiving off and got majorly behind. A few months later JW sat with me to see what I could do to cut time. She told me to do my easy stores first so that I could get more done in less time.
Monday I told her that I had my difficult stores left to do and she said that I should have done them first. I told her that if I done that then I wouldn't have gotten over twenty done; would in fact have only gotten maybe ten done.
Today she came to my desk and gave me a schedule that lists which stores I am to do when (as if that'll ever happen) and insisted that I do them in order. I told her that she was the one who suggested I do them in reverse order and it works very well for me. But apparently she doesn't care because she told me that I have to do it the way she wants it done.
I said that I don't want to get in trouble when I'm even further behind come month end and she repeated that this is how it is to be done now.
No matter how many times I said that I'll do it her way but want a guarantee that I won't get in trouble she wouldn't give it. She just kept saying that it won't work if I go into it with a negative attitude. Sorry, bitch, but it's not a negative attitude when I know it won't work for me. The stores she wants me to do first are the most difficult stores, with the exception of 188 but only because they're our highest volume store. She even said, "It'll be okay." I really wish people wouldn't say that to me; especially when I have tears pouring down my face.
I know what works for me and wish just once I'd be allowed to do things that way. Most especially when I've been scolded numerous times for being behind and am trying my best to get my shit done on time.
Oh, and she expects me to do eight stores an hour. That only works when I have less than a full week's paperwork to do. Normal weeks I'm lucky if I get six done an hour.
9/17/13
Yesterday I really didn't want to go to work, I was tired because I have new upstairs neighbors who don't seem to care that they have someone living below them, but went anyway.
Shortly after I got to work the room started spinning. I sometimes have mini vertigo attacks but this was slightly more than that and happened off and on for the rest of the day.
I thought about saying something but didn't because I really couldn't afford to go home, PTO wise or work wise, so I just suffered through it.
When I mentioned it to JW later in the day she didn't seem concerned, just said "Yeah, I noticed you walking around. Sorry."
You'd think she'd at least say something about me working despite actually needing to go home.
9/18/13
I suspected last week when I was demoted that M was going to be given my job and today I had it confirmed. It angers me that this guy is making me look so inadequate. No matter how fast I work, he works faster (not that he knows how fast I work just that he's always finished with his work by mid day Wednesdays).
Today I had to start boxing up August's RCOs but discovered that the new girl, LB, hadn't bundled up her stores. JW had her do it 'real quick'. And it took her AN HOUR! When it was her turn to box up, it took her nearly an hour to box up three or four cabinets. When we were boxing all the RCOs at once (meaning when one person boxed them all) it only took me an hour and a half to two hours to box up somewhere around ten cabinets.
9/24/13
It's become obvious to me that the feeling of being set up to fail was accurate.
See, this is how I figure things went back in April/May:
LC, JW and JS decided that there needed to be a new position where the clerk did half AP and half AR, and the person doing it should be an AR clerk.
They decided they wanted M to have it but couldn't offer it directly to him since I have seniority. They thought I'd say no and were caught off guard when I said yes and had to quickly scramble to get me to quit or do something they could demote me for. Hence all the changing of my schedule and JS adding things to my job description.
I gave them what they wanted/needed when I had my altercation with JS on 9/3.
This is all obvious due to M being trained on the day my position was taken away before my meeting with JS and S from HR.
Or after they gave me the position they decided they should have asked M instead.
9/5/13
After what happened at work Tuesday I decided to buy the Pacific Rim soundtrack yesterday in an effort to cheer myself up.
I've been listening to it on repeat all day and feel like I could battle a Kajiu. In fact, the song Pacific Rim gives me visions of a woman training for a fight. I think the woman is me. I'm taking this as my inspiration to get myself in shape.
While I'm offline I'm going to take the time to start exercising. It won't be everyday but it will be two or three days a week.
9/7/13
For some reason I've been ridiculous happy since yesterday. I don't think I've ever been this happy. And I have no idea why I am. My pay sucks and I'm living paycheck to paycheck and I can't afford enough food for two weeks. And yet, I'm still happy.
I decided to go see Pacific Rim again but when I got up this morning I was stuffy headed and felt like I'd been hit by a Mac truck.
Then around 11 am I decided to go anyway.
The last time I went to see a movie more than once in the theatre was back in 1984. My mother and I had gone to Naperville for two weeks to visit friends and it rained almost the entire time we were there so there wasn't anything else to do. Well, nothing other than go into Chicago but we only wanted to do that once.
I remember there were only two movies showing that we wanted to see: Temple of Doom and Gremlins. By the time the two weeks were over, we just about had the movies memorized.
To motivate me I pulled a black satin skirt I bought back when I worked at The Avenue, even though it's a size fourteen (but it was less than $2, how could I pass that up?), out of the closet and hung it on my bathroom door so I can see it in the mirror. I would love to wear it at my daughter's graduation just to rub it in her father's face that he's still married to a fat ass and now I'm this hot mama but I don't think that'll happen. So I'll just settle for being much smaller than I am now.
I'm sitting here watching TV and a commercial for IKEA came on. I suddenly have the urge to do a DIY project but I'm not crafty enough. Plus I live in an apartment. Although… my coffee table's legs are loose. Maybe I'll go buy some washers and a wrench and fix that.
9/8/13
I had planned on dusting the living room, vacuuming the house, cleaning the bathroom and, of course, doing laundry (this is a MUST do every week) but I slept until 10 am and just wasn’t feeling it.
I did, however, do a load of dishes, vacuumed in front of the couch where I sit, folded and put away the last load of laundry and cleaned the toilet. Despite not finishing my list, I feel accomplished.
The waist cincher I bought arrived this weekend. And - surprise, surprise - it doesn't fit. Now I have to figure out how to return it and figure out something else to do for my costume. I think I might try and find a Captain America decal to put on a white tee shirt and just wear my jeans and white flats while carrying the toy shield.
OR I could buy a tiara and wear the bridesmaid's dress I have and go as a beauty queen. I have time to figure that out, though.
9/9/13
So my good mood was dashed all to hell today. I am seriously behind at work and JW had asked if I could do AR for at least part of the day Wednesday but JS said no. Actually she said what amounts to hell to the fucking no. Bitch!
I spent all day in a low level state of anxiety making it difficult to work at the pace I needed to.
I then had the idea that I could work late tonight and tomorrow and then just take off early Friday but JW said she didn't think that would be acceptable. I hadn't been given an answer by the time I had to leave so I just left, don't want to get in trouble for working over without permission. I'm hoping tomorrow I'll be allowed to stay.
I now have seventy-one stores that I do and I don't want anyone else to have to do my work.
9/11/13
Yesterday was a bad day. I got scolded by JW for things that were beyond my control, stores not sending in deposit slips and the computer running slow, and was basically told I suck.
I actually asked to have the Texas stores back and was told no in a tone of voice that meant 'oh, hell to the fuck no'.
Then today, JS asked me to see her in the conference room. I just know that means I'm getting my ass fired for that incident last week. When I enter the room she tells me she's giving me a verbal. I'm extremely grateful that I'm not being fired.
Until she starts talking.
She says I slammed the phone down. I knew I was on speaker and so made extra sure that I set it down gently but on speaker phone everything sounds louder.
After she said what she had to she gave me the paper to read and sign. I actually read it, I usually just skim them, and then I actually wrote my rebuttal in the comment section. JS said that not only did I slam the phone down but I huffed and puffed at her. I did no such thing.
She then told me that starting next week I'm back to just AR; now I know why JW said no to me going back to just the Texas stores.
JW is still upset with me for not being further along with my RCOs and when I told her that I would be finishing them on Monday she said that no, it'll be tomorrow.
So, I lost my position in a way, JS said I'll be keeping the title, but really does that matter when I've had more than half my work taken away?
9/12/13
After the stresses of yesterday I went to bed last night thinking I should call off today but decided I really shouldn't. Then this morning just before I needed to get up and start getting ready I could feel a panic attack starting so I texted JW and told her I couldn't come in. I then went to bed and slept most of the day. I have to go to work tomorrow regardless of how I feel which sucks because I'm still on the edge and am sitting here crying for no reason.
9/13/13
I went to work today with my anxiety levels still rather high and had JW make it worse.
Back in November I took the week of Thanksgiving off and got majorly behind. A few months later JW sat with me to see what I could do to cut time. She told me to do my easy stores first so that I could get more done in less time.
Monday I told her that I had my difficult stores left to do and she said that I should have done them first. I told her that if I done that then I wouldn't have gotten over twenty done; would in fact have only gotten maybe ten done.
Today she came to my desk and gave me a schedule that lists which stores I am to do when (as if that'll ever happen) and insisted that I do them in order. I told her that she was the one who suggested I do them in reverse order and it works very well for me. But apparently she doesn't care because she told me that I have to do it the way she wants it done.
I said that I don't want to get in trouble when I'm even further behind come month end and she repeated that this is how it is to be done now.
No matter how many times I said that I'll do it her way but want a guarantee that I won't get in trouble she wouldn't give it. She just kept saying that it won't work if I go into it with a negative attitude. Sorry, bitch, but it's not a negative attitude when I know it won't work for me. The stores she wants me to do first are the most difficult stores, with the exception of 188 but only because they're our highest volume store. She even said, "It'll be okay." I really wish people wouldn't say that to me; especially when I have tears pouring down my face.
I know what works for me and wish just once I'd be allowed to do things that way. Most especially when I've been scolded numerous times for being behind and am trying my best to get my shit done on time.
Oh, and she expects me to do eight stores an hour. That only works when I have less than a full week's paperwork to do. Normal weeks I'm lucky if I get six done an hour.
9/17/13
Yesterday I really didn't want to go to work, I was tired because I have new upstairs neighbors who don't seem to care that they have someone living below them, but went anyway.
Shortly after I got to work the room started spinning. I sometimes have mini vertigo attacks but this was slightly more than that and happened off and on for the rest of the day.
I thought about saying something but didn't because I really couldn't afford to go home, PTO wise or work wise, so I just suffered through it.
When I mentioned it to JW later in the day she didn't seem concerned, just said "Yeah, I noticed you walking around. Sorry."
You'd think she'd at least say something about me working despite actually needing to go home.
9/18/13
I suspected last week when I was demoted that M was going to be given my job and today I had it confirmed. It angers me that this guy is making me look so inadequate. No matter how fast I work, he works faster (not that he knows how fast I work just that he's always finished with his work by mid day Wednesdays).
Today I had to start boxing up August's RCOs but discovered that the new girl, LB, hadn't bundled up her stores. JW had her do it 'real quick'. And it took her AN HOUR! When it was her turn to box up, it took her nearly an hour to box up three or four cabinets. When we were boxing all the RCOs at once (meaning when one person boxed them all) it only took me an hour and a half to two hours to box up somewhere around ten cabinets.
9/24/13
It's become obvious to me that the feeling of being set up to fail was accurate.
See, this is how I figure things went back in April/May:
LC, JW and JS decided that there needed to be a new position where the clerk did half AP and half AR, and the person doing it should be an AR clerk.
They decided they wanted M to have it but couldn't offer it directly to him since I have seniority. They thought I'd say no and were caught off guard when I said yes and had to quickly scramble to get me to quit or do something they could demote me for. Hence all the changing of my schedule and JS adding things to my job description.
I gave them what they wanted/needed when I had my altercation with JS on 9/3.
This is all obvious due to M being trained on the day my position was taken away before my meeting with JS and S from HR.
Or after they gave me the position they decided they should have asked M instead.
