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Nov. 10th, 2012 10:15 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
logans_girl2001I meant to post this Thursday, and again yesterday, but I've been working overtime (87.45 hours for the pay period) and was just too frelling tired (barely made it through POI Thursday and was in bed before 9 last night). I'm leaving this exactly how I wrote it up.
So, it looks like my date with Mike for Saturday isn't going to happen. I haven't heard from him since Monday so I texted him last night to see if we're still on but as of writing this I haven't heard a thing.
I have no clue how to proceed. Do I text him again tomorrow asking he let me know one way or the other, citing the fact that what I plan on making takes all day to cook? Or do I just take the no response as his answer and go with he's not coming?
I really wish I knew what to do here because there are guys who don't want you to text them and guys who do. Mike seemed like the latter since he responded to my first text Monday morning. I don't want to be seen as too demanding/smothering, and yes, I've been called both.
I was called too demanding by the guy I was talking to before Mike and smothering by a friend of a (ex)friend.
I'll start with the smothering story first because it happened several years ago. But before I do, disclaimer time: I am not bashing anyone or anything. Nor am I rehashing old arguments. I've gotten over this and only think of the people involved at times like this. And in a 'I kind of miss talking to them' kind of way.
That said, this story starts way back in 2004 when TPTB killed Tim Speedle off CSI: Miami.
I discovered some 'Speed lives!' stories written by Bev. My favorite was Sylum Clan where Tim's a Vampire. In 2005 when she started the Yahoo group, I was one of the first one hundred people to join. I was also one of the people who suggested we RP as the various characters with Bev as Nick Stokes, leader of Sylum Clan.
People quickly picked their characters. I originally had Catherine Willows from CSI: and soon found myself in a three-way RP with Rodney McKay and, I think, Draco Malfoy (it has been over seven years).
By this time two pairs were being played by people with the same first name: Nick/Warrick and I can't recall the other pair.
In the course of the RP I was involved in, I discovered that Rodney's player is also named Melissa. I suggested I give up Cath and take up John Sheppard to keep the trend of same named people playing Mates. She said that was fine by her.
We became friends, as people do. We emailed and IM'd regularly. She lived in Oregon and had a friend that lived just over the Washington border who I would sometimes also talk to.
I had never really RPd before (I had a friend in middle school who I pretended to be members of U2 with) and so I took all my cues from Melrae and every other member of Sylum. I would call her my 'Mate' even when not RPing. She didn't seem to mind.
At the time her kids lived in London with their father, her ex-husband. She went to visit them for an extended period, I believe she was gone nearly two weeks. I missed her something terrible, especially since I was used to talking to her multiple times a day, but I felt I did a good job of not pestering her. I'd send her an email, or an IM if I was at home, if I had something to tell her and then wait for her to respond. I didn't wait patiently but I didn't send multiple emails/IMs demanding a response, either. I'd send one, and wait. She was there to visit her kids and I respected that that meant she didn't have all that much time for me, or her other friends.
Nell and I began talking more during Melrae's trip to London. I was wanting to get to know her because I liked her, and wanted more friends, but she'd inevitably turn the conversation to Melrae, as if that was the only thing we had in common. I do admit that I once responded to her comment about missing Melrae with 'You miss her!? I'm her Mate!'
In 2006, Bev announced that she was having a 'Gathering' in LA the following July. I began talking about rooming together with Melrae, Nell and another girl I used to chat with (sorry, can't remember her name so I'll call her Peter since that's the character she played). When I got my tax return, I asked Melrae if she minded if I went ahead and got our room so that I wouldn't spend all the money before I could. She said that was fine with her. So I called the hotel Bev had the arrangement with and reserved a room, then contacted Melrae, Nell and Peter.
Melrae was all, "Okay, cool but maybe you should have confirmed I was rooming with you, first?' When I showed her the chat logs where she did agree she just stopping responding.
Nell blew up. Ended up saying she was not going to room with me based on my, admittedly, misworded email about the room (I emailed them stating I had the room and requesting they let me know their first and last name so I could put them on the room). I don't remember every thing that was said between us but I called her childish and petty and she told me that Melrae had told her that I was smothering. When I brought up how I would email or IM Melrae when she was in London and then wait for her to respond, Nell threw my 'You miss her!? She's my Mate!' back at me and tried to say I was the one who was always wanting to talk about Melrae regardless of what topic we had been discussing.
Peter's response was somewhere in between the two responses, but ended with her not talking to me either.
After thinking about it for several days, this all happened on a Friday, I decided to give up John. Melrae didn't try to talk me out of it.
When I asked Nell why Melrae didn't say something to me about my 'smothering' her, she said that Melrae doesn't do confrontations. Whatever. If she had told me I was doing it wrong, I would have changed whatever it was.
And now for the 'demanding' story.
I met Raymond on the dating site Plenty of Fish. We chatted through the site for a few days then exchanged numbers and began texting.
The first thing he did when he got my number was ask if I wanted to see a picture of his dick. I said no because we didn't know each other like that yet.
So we talked mostly about kinks and I was fine with that. Until he sent a picture of his dick. I just deleted it but realize I should have called him on it.
During one of the times we talked about 'normal' things, I asked if he had any kids, first question I ever asked him. He said he couldn't have kids and I asked if he would be willing to adopt or use a sperm donor. He said he wasn't sure and I assured him that not wanting kids is not a deal breaker.
The last time we really talked he asked how tall I am. I told him and asked how tall he is, second question ever.
He then asked for my bra size. I told him it was none of his business at this stage and he stopped texting.
Over the course of the week or so we texted I only texted him first once: the Saturday after we first started. He never responded.
The conversation about our appearance happened the next day.
The next text I got from Raymond was around 8 or 9 Monday night. It said: When do you want me to pick you up?
I waited an hour, just before I went to bed actually, to respond with: Seriously? You ignore me for more than a day and this is all you can say?
The next time he contacted me was through POF instead of text. And his first comment was him calling me demanding.
He never did answer my question about how refusing to tell him my bra size, something I feel he doesn't have the right to know until we become an actual couple (as in having sex and talking long term) and not sending a picture (the day he asked I hadn't taken a shower yet).
He did say that he sent me a picture of him, and I then called him on how it was a picture of his dick not his face. I told him I was offended that he sent it after being told I didn't want him to. He claimed he felt he could/should because we were having a fairly sexual conversation. I was all, 'Um, no'. I'm fairly certain he doesn't see that what he did was actually sexual assault.
So, tell me, dear friends, was any of what I've done in the past worth being called demanding/smothering? I don't think so.
Now I will admit I was usually the first one to poke Melrae via IM, mostly in a 'Are you home?' kind of way because we would keep our status as invisible/offline, but usually never more than once or twice in an hour or two. No response after a couple of hours? I'd shrug and decide she wasn't home.
Since I still haven't gotten a response from Mike, I'm going with he's lost interest for whatever reason. His loss, right?
So, it looks like my date with Mike for Saturday isn't going to happen. I haven't heard from him since Monday so I texted him last night to see if we're still on but as of writing this I haven't heard a thing.
I have no clue how to proceed. Do I text him again tomorrow asking he let me know one way or the other, citing the fact that what I plan on making takes all day to cook? Or do I just take the no response as his answer and go with he's not coming?
I really wish I knew what to do here because there are guys who don't want you to text them and guys who do. Mike seemed like the latter since he responded to my first text Monday morning. I don't want to be seen as too demanding/smothering, and yes, I've been called both.
I was called too demanding by the guy I was talking to before Mike and smothering by a friend of a (ex)friend.
I'll start with the smothering story first because it happened several years ago. But before I do, disclaimer time: I am not bashing anyone or anything. Nor am I rehashing old arguments. I've gotten over this and only think of the people involved at times like this. And in a 'I kind of miss talking to them' kind of way.
That said, this story starts way back in 2004 when TPTB killed Tim Speedle off CSI: Miami.
I discovered some 'Speed lives!' stories written by Bev. My favorite was Sylum Clan where Tim's a Vampire. In 2005 when she started the Yahoo group, I was one of the first one hundred people to join. I was also one of the people who suggested we RP as the various characters with Bev as Nick Stokes, leader of Sylum Clan.
People quickly picked their characters. I originally had Catherine Willows from CSI: and soon found myself in a three-way RP with Rodney McKay and, I think, Draco Malfoy (it has been over seven years).
By this time two pairs were being played by people with the same first name: Nick/Warrick and I can't recall the other pair.
In the course of the RP I was involved in, I discovered that Rodney's player is also named Melissa. I suggested I give up Cath and take up John Sheppard to keep the trend of same named people playing Mates. She said that was fine by her.
We became friends, as people do. We emailed and IM'd regularly. She lived in Oregon and had a friend that lived just over the Washington border who I would sometimes also talk to.
I had never really RPd before (I had a friend in middle school who I pretended to be members of U2 with) and so I took all my cues from Melrae and every other member of Sylum. I would call her my 'Mate' even when not RPing. She didn't seem to mind.
At the time her kids lived in London with their father, her ex-husband. She went to visit them for an extended period, I believe she was gone nearly two weeks. I missed her something terrible, especially since I was used to talking to her multiple times a day, but I felt I did a good job of not pestering her. I'd send her an email, or an IM if I was at home, if I had something to tell her and then wait for her to respond. I didn't wait patiently but I didn't send multiple emails/IMs demanding a response, either. I'd send one, and wait. She was there to visit her kids and I respected that that meant she didn't have all that much time for me, or her other friends.
Nell and I began talking more during Melrae's trip to London. I was wanting to get to know her because I liked her, and wanted more friends, but she'd inevitably turn the conversation to Melrae, as if that was the only thing we had in common. I do admit that I once responded to her comment about missing Melrae with 'You miss her!? I'm her Mate!'
In 2006, Bev announced that she was having a 'Gathering' in LA the following July. I began talking about rooming together with Melrae, Nell and another girl I used to chat with (sorry, can't remember her name so I'll call her Peter since that's the character she played). When I got my tax return, I asked Melrae if she minded if I went ahead and got our room so that I wouldn't spend all the money before I could. She said that was fine with her. So I called the hotel Bev had the arrangement with and reserved a room, then contacted Melrae, Nell and Peter.
Melrae was all, "Okay, cool but maybe you should have confirmed I was rooming with you, first?' When I showed her the chat logs where she did agree she just stopping responding.
Nell blew up. Ended up saying she was not going to room with me based on my, admittedly, misworded email about the room (I emailed them stating I had the room and requesting they let me know their first and last name so I could put them on the room). I don't remember every thing that was said between us but I called her childish and petty and she told me that Melrae had told her that I was smothering. When I brought up how I would email or IM Melrae when she was in London and then wait for her to respond, Nell threw my 'You miss her!? She's my Mate!' back at me and tried to say I was the one who was always wanting to talk about Melrae regardless of what topic we had been discussing.
Peter's response was somewhere in between the two responses, but ended with her not talking to me either.
After thinking about it for several days, this all happened on a Friday, I decided to give up John. Melrae didn't try to talk me out of it.
When I asked Nell why Melrae didn't say something to me about my 'smothering' her, she said that Melrae doesn't do confrontations. Whatever. If she had told me I was doing it wrong, I would have changed whatever it was.
And now for the 'demanding' story.
I met Raymond on the dating site Plenty of Fish. We chatted through the site for a few days then exchanged numbers and began texting.
The first thing he did when he got my number was ask if I wanted to see a picture of his dick. I said no because we didn't know each other like that yet.
So we talked mostly about kinks and I was fine with that. Until he sent a picture of his dick. I just deleted it but realize I should have called him on it.
During one of the times we talked about 'normal' things, I asked if he had any kids, first question I ever asked him. He said he couldn't have kids and I asked if he would be willing to adopt or use a sperm donor. He said he wasn't sure and I assured him that not wanting kids is not a deal breaker.
The last time we really talked he asked how tall I am. I told him and asked how tall he is, second question ever.
He then asked for my bra size. I told him it was none of his business at this stage and he stopped texting.
Over the course of the week or so we texted I only texted him first once: the Saturday after we first started. He never responded.
The conversation about our appearance happened the next day.
The next text I got from Raymond was around 8 or 9 Monday night. It said: When do you want me to pick you up?
I waited an hour, just before I went to bed actually, to respond with: Seriously? You ignore me for more than a day and this is all you can say?
The next time he contacted me was through POF instead of text. And his first comment was him calling me demanding.
He never did answer my question about how refusing to tell him my bra size, something I feel he doesn't have the right to know until we become an actual couple (as in having sex and talking long term) and not sending a picture (the day he asked I hadn't taken a shower yet).
He did say that he sent me a picture of him, and I then called him on how it was a picture of his dick not his face. I told him I was offended that he sent it after being told I didn't want him to. He claimed he felt he could/should because we were having a fairly sexual conversation. I was all, 'Um, no'. I'm fairly certain he doesn't see that what he did was actually sexual assault.
So, tell me, dear friends, was any of what I've done in the past worth being called demanding/smothering? I don't think so.
Now I will admit I was usually the first one to poke Melrae via IM, mostly in a 'Are you home?' kind of way because we would keep our status as invisible/offline, but usually never more than once or twice in an hour or two. No response after a couple of hours? I'd shrug and decide she wasn't home.
Since I still haven't gotten a response from Mike, I'm going with he's lost interest for whatever reason. His loss, right?
